saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
