He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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