omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
