I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize