the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
