careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
