When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
