I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
