i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
