Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
