So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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