he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
