I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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