I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize