pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
