This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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