I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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