Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
