Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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