I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
