just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
wow bdsm is so cute
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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