Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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