So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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