well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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