I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
