well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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