If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I would ride that face into the sunset
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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