When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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