Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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