Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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