i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
