new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
honey bunches of taint.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize