Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
