uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
