whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
