My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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