So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
