Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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