so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
