I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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