I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
