dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
