I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
