Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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