My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize