Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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