i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
