Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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