Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
