Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
