Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
