So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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