all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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