He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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