She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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