That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize