I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mom said you looked used
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize