im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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