I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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