ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please don't give away my fajitas
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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