someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize