i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
