You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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