I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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