I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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