Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
