New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
