I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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