I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
