its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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