You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
