And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
