it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
