the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
