I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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