So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
