i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
