Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
