I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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