I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my shit smells like andre
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Alive.
So much puke
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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