what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
