just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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