I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wear drunk well.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
