I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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