my phone needs a breathalizer
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
