just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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