what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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