Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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