Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
