i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
