summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
