It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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