I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
