Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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