also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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