dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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