i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She needs sedatives and a leash
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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