just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
