a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize