Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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