the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
