Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
