my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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