Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
