Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize