all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
