real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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