Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
